567th post, and maybe this is the last.

readership has declined, tagboard's dead. this blog has become unattractive. nothing i write seems interesting or captivating anymore. i guess everyone's been too busy to read or do blogs anymore. myself included. so maybe this should just cease function and i pick out a notebook and start writing for myself. sharing has become an obsolete option.

well, thanks for reading. heres to a blog that spelt cultivated passion (and a decline) for the past 2 years.

closed.

people are undependable. well, i dont depend on people and dont enjoy to. but in some cases we are without a choice. circularly enough, i dont like depending on people simply because they cant be depended on. even for the simplest things. i always think the worst of them, i know.

call it relentless kiasu behavior, absent mindedness or sheer stupidity- its all human anyway, and i dont like that.

closing.

i really really wanna watch Stars in concert.

but somehow, once again, when it comes to things like these- theres no one.

im sick and extremely tired. i feel like running into a neverland and hide there, or just disappear. i wanna close my blog and wake up in a beach. i just wanna get away from all this internal loneliness and wake up alone away from people, physically; where i know there really arent real people and theres nothing i can do about it but go crazy.

right now ive no excuse to.

or maybe i should go to the concert myself like some lonesome wanker and pretend im having the time of my life. after all, it is Stars..

:(

i suppose the key to any measure of fulfillment would require us not only to know what we want, but to stoically proclaim what we don't want, what we know can never be ours, what we know was never meant for us.

some things are not meant to be. some people are never meant to be.

i wake up everyday trying to find a meaning.

almost everyday i don't.

i sink back into slumber.

never thought id be so immersed in art.

im obsessed with beauty.

and to me you were beautiful. you'd always be.

today was a day to remember. my returned assignments had positive comments and our studio session was awesome. prof loved our model and drawings. from near desperation, we produced some 'robust' model. i never felt so truly satisfied.

and then i went for a nice hard long run.

there was dp rehearsal at night. the first proper one. wasnt too bad.

my day is complete. ive done everything i could do. and maybe, this is testimony im everything i can be.

ive lived- im living.

i really, really have to learn how to not care.

this is sickening.

on a lighter note, was a good friday night. tropic thunder was awesome.

rock n rolla please.